The Secret Hermit

The secret Hermit. Or maybe not so secret if you actually know me. I’ve always been someone who tends towards crowd-less places. I like my own space. I like to be alone - I thrive on my own. It feels glorious, spacious, delicious, freeing. But in the same breath, I am always about the other. I need to know the other. I crave depth through interaction. I crave juicy, intimate relationships. I always feel a pressure to impact or influence in some way - like I need to make a difference and that difference will need to be through my interaction with the other. And there’s the contraindication - the pressure to feel the passion, purpose and impact through the other and the deep need to be no where near anyone else’s aura while I figure out my process and the selfish tendency (or perhaps the open ego’s tendency to question if this is worth sharing or if it would support anyone to share) to keep my words or creations for myself. You can say, this leaves me feeling confused quite often and if I’m not careful about using my authority to decide when to interact and when to not I end up bitter (soooo bitter).

My design has an interesting way of explaining this. Like with everything I discover about HD - it’s just a language to explain the the patterns and tendencies I already know I had. I have a 4/6 profile. My 4th line knows (consciously) how important my relationships are and how the quality of these present me with my opportunities in life. My 6th line wants to stand back from it all - observe, remain that little bit removed. There’s already an interesting dynamic here - the 6th line body (especially once up on the roof - will confirm or debunk soon) - wants to be separate, be removed so that it can integrate all the 3rd lining that’s happened in relationship and life up until then while the 4th wants to continue to put energy into relationship. My collective circuitry also knows that the wisdom I find on the roof will need to be shared - I will need to be seen, witnessed and recognised in order to experience my signature of success.

Here’s the kicker though - on top of this dynamic and while I am a 4/6, I also have seven 6th line activations and seven 2nd line activations. A large chunk of my design wants to go off and do its thing, having its knowings, watching, observing and alchemising the wisdom in peace. Is it any wonder that when my coach asked in a session what kind of elder I wanted to be or who I wanted to be I answered with the witch in the hut - the wise, role model who is called in. I imagine that people seek her out for the wisdom she’s cooked up in her hut - the experience, insights and things she’s witnessed all distilled into potent invocations shared with those that it will benefit after they recognise and invite her to share. I pat myself on the back at the accuracy of that imagery when I look at my design (that answer was given without a thought to my design and well before I had any real awareness of it beyond the very surface).

My design also demands a lot of hermitting from me (which, hey, gives me a permission slip to embrace what I’ve always felt). Space to be in my process. Alone. My seven open centres demand I remove myself from the world to empty out so that I can feel who I actually am and understand what’s happening around me from that place rather than my not-self. My Projector nature and my open sacral wants to rest and for me true, deep rest is alone.

My 2nd and 6th line activations are mostly in tribal and collective circuitry - so even though they are pulling me into my own process I am innately aware that at some stage I need to be called out, recognised or witnessed in what I’m learning here in order to share what I’ve learned and support those around me through the wisdom of my learnings. Meanwhile ALL of my 4th line activations are in individual circuitry. Which confirms to me that my seeking of truth, insights and breakthroughs through my creative process in the world is eventually to be externalised - but only once it has done it’s work on me and I’ve been able to mutate my own energetics around them. Which also requires that aspect of aloneness to integrate before externalising to empower those around me through my discoveries. Another interesting aspect includes the fact that my only channel (unconscious channel of alpha) is the voice I will use to express a lot of what I discover as part of my individual circuity and my concentrated G centre activations - and this means that when I choose to share with the collective what I’ve learned I will distill those parts that will benefit everyone and keep the rest squirrelled away for my own process.

I have gate 1.4 as my personality sun gate - The Creative - Self-expression - “Aloneness as the medium for creativity”. I am wildly aware of my need to be alone, with the right acoustics, in the right environment for my creativity to tap in. It is abundantly clear to me that when I am removed from my usual habitat (especially when I am not on my home soil) and have access to newness, alone, my words flow like a tap, my taste for aesthetics is turned on, my ability to see and create art (whatever that may be) is heightened.

I feel all of this deeply through the tug of war that takes place inside me. Constantly a question of do I have energy for this interaction - do I want to give my energy to this relationship? Do I need alone time to integrate this or distill what I’m learning but in the same breath - the deep need to impact even though my words haven’t quite formulated into what it is I am sharing. Do I need to externalise and self project what it is I’m trying to figure out? Who is the right person for the right occasion that will allow me to do this fully? Do I need to borrow some sacral energy to get to the crux of my creation or do I need to be still for it to find clarity? Do I need to witness something in the other before I can fully understand what I’m trying to learn? I can see that as the 2nd and 6th lines pulling me in towards myself so that I gain access to my creative magic and insight, followed by a little externalisation of what I’ve learned (self projected authority just intensify this) to solidify the concept or idea which takes us full circle to someone recognising that, calling it out or diligently watching me model what I’ve learnt (hence I end up sharing or supporting - BUT only after aloneness and processing of it).

I do wonder whether being on the roof will intensify the extreme of this duality I feel. I’m curious to see what my 6th lines find wisdom in and how the eventual sharing of this will look. I know and can see my current tendency to create just for me. I share my vibration, my attention and my presence but most of the things I create remain hidden - they just don’t feel like the thing that I’m here to share yet. And not that I’m not happy with them but perhaps there’s a lack of recognition for the things that are stored away in my stash. Or the timing on those things just isn’t quite ready. Or maybe, I make the art for creation sake so that I can embody the concepts and role model them without the need for a visual or a word. Maybe the hermitting allows me to distill the frequency into my being and allow my projector aura to do the work for me rather than sharing the physical manifestations of these things - who knows!