In Relationship

Human design in relationship fascinates me. I think the energy around me has always effected me but having a language and a sense of awareness around what my own design is has allowed me to distill what it is exactly that I’m experiencing from different people or even in crowds when I know I’ll be experiencing so many different auras. For me that awareness allows a much greater depth of compassion and understanding in relationship. When you realise the billions of different design combinations the understanding that no one will function quite the same allows me to accegress a deeper acceptance. And understanding the designs of those closest to me gives me so much more insight and clarity around what is mine and what is. What is me, what is my not-self and why I feel the way I do around certain people.

I suppose the greatest conditioning comes from those you spend most of your time with me. When you’re young it’s most likely your family. For me it was my mum. When you think about a child’s life you begin to see how they are never really alone - never truly in their own aura for unless maybe they have their own room to sleep in. But even so, depending on family dynamics, there are still always other auras in the house. It means as children we don’t get a great sense of clarity on what we are and what we aren’t. Who we are gets muddled in with who is around us and for a lot of us we might not get to feel the difference of being alone in our aura for an extended period of time until we move out (and by that time we’ve probably got a sense of “who we are” and what our personality is based on composite energy around us). I think the beauty of human design and especially the beauty of it for young people is that the earlier we have the awareness of our design the less conditioning we have to do later (the longer we think we’re something we’re not the harder it is eventually to come to who we are).

When I started looking at the charts of the people around me I found it funny that I grew up with a 3/5 Manifesting Generator and from age 14 started dating a 3/5 Manifesting Generator (who is now my husband). Not only was I drawn towards the same type of energy and the same profile but they also share 5 centres (root, sacral, solar plexus, G and throat). I assume that the comfort and security of having access to that definition and the association of safety in my childhood from my mums design probably gave me a faster sense of those things around my partner (this being a complete assumption because as a 14 year old I most definitely did not have the awareness of any of that). And obviously there is nothing to do with this information but hold it in my awareness and observe what how I feel around both of them, curious about the similarities and the differences. Storing away tid bits of how my design allows me to experience other people.

I’m also fascinated by how my chart works specifically with my husbands (since there is 15 years of conditioning going on there!). Don’t forget that when I say we’re being conditioning by those around us, that’s not a bad thing. That is the completely natural experience of the open centres. The awareness is the important part here - that saves us from becoming over identified with a way of being that is not for our system (that our system can’t sustain and could well lead to dis-function). I also count myself lucky to have lived alone when I was 17 for 3 years. I am grateful that I had that time to feel what it was like to be me without anyone (and at that age, while part of who we are and how we interact with the world around us are still solidifying). I moved to a new city and lived in my own space - this gave me a beautiful container to experiment with how I like things (decorated, when and what to eat, how to structure my day without having to considering another) - looking back, I was drawn to so many aspects of my design (taste, valleys, direct light) naturally when I got to be on my own.

My husband and I create and 8-1 composite chart - meaning that my 2 centres and his 7 centres together create a chart with 8 centres defined and only 1 left open (the ego!). What that means is that around him I have access to the defined energy of an extra 6 centres that I’m not used to having (and what it means for him is that he has access to only one thing that differs to his design - he gets a defined spleen).

I feel his design the most from the root and the sacral. And as I wrote that I laughed in my head thinking - actually I feel all his centres. I feel everything that is not me very clearly when I am around him. But the sacral and root are my crux - these are the ones I over identify with and these are the ones I can feel most potently in my body when I do that (physical burn out). I marvel at how he can do 12-14 hour days of work and not be a complete blob. I wonder how it is he can enjoy working under a deadline (and trust me he does - he thrives under pressure, it’s when his MG energy gets used in the most productive way and he’s very aware of this tendancy). I feel his defined root & sacral centre when he comes home and I suddenly feel the need to buzz around.. tidying, pressure to straighten up, pressure to be busy before I can sit back down. Which is remarkably different to how I am on my own - in my own energy I am quite happy being horizontal and doing not much of anything. I feel those centres at night (plus the busy busy ajna and head). I’ve always known that I liked to sleep alone but there’s that societal conditioning saying that a separate bed spells the end of the relationship - that there is something wrong when a couple chooses to sleep apart. I sleep so much more soundly and restfully alone. Allowing my aura to empty out from all of that energy gives me a fresh start in the morning. The awareness of my body’s need for this is life changing and gave me a way to explain this need to my husband outside of the should’s or stories people tell around this.

Our collectively open ego is easily identified as our repetitive and spiralling wound. Throughout my coaching and self development journey the thing that I spiral back around to is always worth, contribution, am I doing enough, am I giving enough? And I can’t count the amount of times I’ve heard him say, “I should be doing more” (when in actual fact he is already doing more than enough - usually revolving around work). We feel the need to do more. Always. We feed on the other’s experience of the open ego and it’s taken so much work, spiralling around and around for me to (most of the time) get to a place where I no longer associate doing more with worth. I also find it curious that each one of us finds it easy to see how the other is doing enough - but seeing that in ourselves is so much harder! Saying that I also find the my guilt motivation, his root centre and the fact that we both have possibility view keeps us moving towards wanting to do more anyway (hopefully when healthy, not from a place of unworthiness but from a place of clean motivation). When we’re together we can’t just leave something alone in a state below it’s expanded potential - we can see the highest possibility of something and how we can build it (think cafe expansion, think how can we make this business bigger and better, think we aren’t just going to move away to the country and be, we’re going to build airbnbs or flip houses because we can see the possibility of freshness and beauty from our shared gate 1). When healthy - I love this aspect of us. When unhealthy we start to spiral in our own ways and devalue ourselves, our time and our contribution and the awareness of that is what can bring us back into balance (and then help the other come back to balance too).

I’m currently playing around with the differences in our type. His enveloping manifesting generator aura to my focused projector aura. The knowledge that he needs to respond to things is letting me play with how I interact in our relationship. I am so used to asking broad questions and getting bitter when he can’t make a decision. The experimentation of this or that / yes or no questions is expansive. I am much more likely to receive an answer I can do something with when I interact with his energy his way and he doesn’t experience the frustration of trying to come up with a decision. My self-projectedness also helps in that I will generally just speak the options into being - my authority will give me the options and his authority will make the decision (and either way, I’ve got something I’m happy with as long as my tone gave me a yes to the options I’m providing in the first place). I also love playing with my natural ability to guide energy and how that works in relationship. Sam Zagar (brilliant S Projector to work with!) gave me the awareness that as a non-sacral being who can guide energy I have been (even unconsciously) guiding my MG towards his satisfaction (because when he’s satisfied so am I because I get high of that sacral frequency). Our relationship becomes a system in which my natural gifts guide us back to our authorities and towards decisions that lead to our signatures. I can naturally see aspects or our life that cause my husband frustration and others that give him satisfaction and our Projector/MG dynamic with an open invitation for my guidance in our life together allows me to guide him towards the things that he is most naturally satisfied with (obviously this comes with a good deal of third line energy from him so just because I’ll guide us there doesn’t mean it’s an easy or straightforward process). I love this awareness though, that when he is happy and satisfied with things in life my experience of our definition is so much sweeter - this knowledge has also allowed me to look back on situations in our relationship and give compassion to my tendencies (in places where I would potentially have preciously judged myself for tending to his needs etc) knowing that in these situations I was actually tending to my energy as well.

I have more things to say. On how I experience his triple split definition in comparison to my single definition. How I’m experimenting with our cognition and determination (taste vs smell / calm vs direct). The presence of our electromagnetic channels (judgement, structuring, awakening and exploration). Our similarities - we share 8 gate activations). Being a non-emotional in relationship with an emotional who has the channel of emoting and has been taught that emotions are not for expressing. My experience of taking in frustrated sacral energy vs satisfied sacral energy and how clear as day these two present themselves in response to different people and places. But I think, this musing is long enough - I’ll save something for the blog.

I love this system and the depth of compassion and understanding it lets me have for individuals and how different people show up in relationship (and of course self-compassion). I have so much to say about HD and relationship (and there is most probably my 4th line need to externalise my own experience and my fascination with the quality and depth of relationship that is possible). But this will do for now!